for both sides, for every feeling, for anyone feeling alone and unloved.
break-ups couldn’t suck ANY more than they do. you lose SO much. you lose all the work you feel like you’ve put into it, you lose that person you can text or call whenever something stupid and irrelevant has happened, and you also lose that other person’s family and friends sometimes, which can be the hardest, most confusing part.
if you’ve broken up with someone, all you feel is miserable guilt. you go back and fourth between feeling like you made a huge mistake, and feeling liberated with the whole world in front of you (which isn’t always great - it’s usually terrifying). you feel like you’ve ruined someone else’s life, or you think “what if this person is a terrible partner for their next relationship? all because i’ve done this” which isn’t necessarily selfish, it’s a legit fear. you also feel like you have NO right to reminisce or feel upset or sad. but you forget that YOU also experienced a huge gaping loss. just because you were the one who chose to end things doesn’t mean you had nothing to lose. you’re most likely JUST as terrified of being alone as the other.
if you’ve BEEN broken up with, on top of the sadness, you feel empty or angry. you’re angry at the other for being the one to end it sometimes, maybe because you wanted to end it to, but didn’t want to give up. and that’s what you think the other did — just gave up. you feel like it means they didn’t care or love you, and you’ll use that to push yourself forward. sometimes it’s easier to let yourself be angry at them, that way you can tell yourself you deserve to be happy and that you’re better off — that way you can maybe convince yourself that it’s true. but then you remember… maybe that person was right. and then you feel like you can’t be angry, and now you have nothing going for you. you just feel betrayed.
either way, you’ll find yourself reaching out to the other, just because you’re so used to hearing from them all the time. your every day routine has been entirely screwed up, and you’re forced to feel the “well what the hell do i do now?” hopelessness.
but then your friends step in, and even if it’s just for an hour or so, maybe they get your mind off of it. maybe you laugh. and sometimes you’ll feel like it’s not okay, because you’re supposed to STAY upset. that if you don’t continue to be sad, it means the breakup wasn’t as bad or hard as you thought. but that’s not true. you don’t have to cry 100% of the time to realize how devastating it can be. and you don’t have to laugh all the time pretending everything is just fine and you don’t care.
there’s NO right way to deal with a break up. so to anyone telling you what you SHOULD or SHOULDNT be doing in a jackass way…. tell them to screw off. it doesn’t matter what worked for them and what didn’t — they’re not you. everyone works in different ways and thinks in different manners.
all your friends can do is make suggestions, and listen when you need them. and make sure you go to the right people for the right thing - not everyone will be straight-forward, and not everyone will sugar-coat things, so know what you want from a conversation before you start it. because if you go to a tell-it-like-it-is type for sympathy, you’ll probably regret it. same if you go to someone who babys you to hear words of strength or serious advice on how to tackle your emotions - they won’t get you anywhere.
the only thing that CAN work is to try and remember the bigger picture. it’s hard to do when everything that mattered to you turns upside down. but remember your education, your family, your friends, and your hobbies. those things HAVEN’T (for the most part) changed, so hold tightly to them. they’ll get you through better than you give them credit for.
don’t underestimate yourself - you WILL be ok :) no matter what end of a breakup you’re on, you deserve to know it will get better, and you’ll FEEL better little by little.
after all, rome wasn’t built in a day.
