soooo wishy washy about modeling again. i want...

soooo wishy washy about modeling again. i want to, then i catch myself being unhealthy, then i feel weak and confused.

i probably should just drop the idea, but seriously i can’t even explain the feeling i get on a runway. it’s this ridiculous high, i just feel on top of the world and SO confident, not to mention charleston pierce said i had one of the best rookie walks he’d seen in san francisco, and getting that compliment made my head spin. i remember the day he sent me the email and told me to come to pier 3 in the city. he’d sent it at 3, requested me to be there at 4, and i lived half an hour away, and hadn’t showered! i literally threw myself in and out, hair still wet, grabbed my jeans and heels, tank top, not to mention on the way there i had to explain why i’d be late picking my then boyfriend up because we shared my car, drove to the city and GOT LOST, and still got there in time. i was sooo shakey! he shakes my hand, introduces himself and then says “alright, let’s see your walk” and i did it, he then told me to slow down - he could tell i was terrified haha - and i did, and he goes “not bad, not bad at all. SO, here’s the choreography for tonight’s show” and i freak, “you’re putting me in tonight???” and his response, “i can only assume you’re interested” and i called zac and told him and he was so proud. he took a $40 taxi cab from work to the pier so he could see my first show.

that whole night was such a dream. getting my hair and makeup done, the makeup artists complimenting me on my skin and my natural hair color, and all the models were so nice.

i miss it every day.

(via letmebthin)